The Man
Dictionary
"IT'S A
GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational
thought pattern
connected
with it, and you have no chance
at all of making
it logical."
"CAN I
HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already
on the table?"
"UH HUH,"
"SURE, HONEY," OR "YES,
DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing.
It's a conditioned
response.
"IT WOULD
TAKE TOO LONG TO
EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how
it works."
"I WAS
LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST
THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY
MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the
corner is a
real babe."
"TAKE A
BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE
WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game
over the
vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S
INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW
HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme
song to
'F Troop', the
address of the first girl I ever
kissed, and
the vehicle
identification numbers of every
car I've ever
owned, but I
forgot your birthday."
"I WAS
JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU,
AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them
on the
corner was a real
babe."
"OH, DON'T
FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF,
IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed
a limb,
but will bleed
to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"I CAN'T
FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into
my outstretched
hands, so I'm completely
clueless."
"WHAT DID
I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch
me at?"
"I HEARD
YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest
clue what
you just said,
and am hoping desperately that I can fake it
well enough so
that you don't spend the next three days
yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW
I COULD NEVER LOVE
ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way
you yell
at me,
and realize it
could be worse."
"YOU LOOK
TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, God, please don't
try on one
more outfit, I'm
starving."
"I'M NOT
LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see
us alive again."
