- Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
- You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
- You answer the door before people knock.
- You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
- You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
- You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
- The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
- The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
- Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
- You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
- You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- All your kids are named "Joe."
- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty- three more, I'll have a cup."
- The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
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