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Attention Employees:

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). To our Firm, unproductive time isn't a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Pursuant to our new billing system, attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you.

The Management Committee

Attached:

Extended Job Code List

Code Number

 

Explanation

5316

 

Meeting

5317

 

Obstructing Communications at Meeting

5318

 

Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting

5319

 

Waiting for Break

5320

 

Waiting for Lunch

5321

 

Waiting for End of Day

5322

 

Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Co-worker

5323

 

Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Co-worker While Coworker is Not Present

5393

 

Covering for Incompetence of Co-worker Friend

5400

 

Trying to Explain Concept to Co-worker Who is Not Interested in Learning

5401

 

Trying to Explain Concept to Co-worker Who is Stupid

5402

 

Trying to Explain Concept to Co-worker Who Hates You

5481

 

Buying Snack

5482

 

Eating Snack

5500

 

Filling Out Timesheet

5501

 

Inventing Timesheet Entries

5502

 

Waiting for Something to Happen

5503

 

Scratching Yourself

5504

 

Sleeping

5510

 

Feeling Bored

5511

 

Feeling Horny

5600

 

Bitching About Lousy Job

5601

 

Bitching About Low Pay

5602

 

Bitching About Long Hours

5603

 

Bitching About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)

5604

 

Bitching About Boss

5605

 

Bitching About Personal Problems

5640

 

Miscellaneous Unproductive Bitching

5701

 

Not Actually Present At Job

5702

 

Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu

6102

 

Ordering Out

6103

 

Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive

6104

 

Taking It Easy While Digesting Food

6200

 

Using Company Resources for Personal Profit

6201

 

Stealing Company Goods

6202

 

Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods

6203

 

Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls

6204

 

Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls in Order to Sell Stolen Company Goods

6206

 

Gossip

6207

 

Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)

6210

 

Feeling Sorry For Yourself

6221

 

Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching

6222

 

Pretending to Enjoy Your Job

6223

 

Pretending You Like Co-worker

6224

 

Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks

6238

 

Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing

6350

 

Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl

6601

 

Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)

6602

 

Complaining

6603

 

Writing a Book on Company Time

6611

 

Staring Into Space

6612

 

Staring At Computer Screen

6615

 

Transcendental Meditation

7281

 

Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)

7400

 

Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone

7401

 

Talking With Plumber on Phone

7402

 

Talking With Dentist on Phone

7403

 

Talking With Doctor on Phone

7404

 

Talking With Masseuse on Phone

7405

 

Talking With House Painter on Phone

7406

 

Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone

7419

 

Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone

7425

 

Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone

7931

 

Asking Co-worker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity

7988

 

Recreational Drug Use

8000

 

Forwarding stupid Internet jokes to your friends

 

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